When a child comes to your daycare, they're not just a number. They're a person with hopes, dreams, and fears. Their emotions and experiences are as real as anyone else's.
You might think it's best not to talk about sensitive topics like death, family issues, natural disasters, divorce, or sex with children under age 6 because they haven't yet learned how to process these concepts, although some studies suggest otherwise.
What if kids don't have the words yet? What if they need help understanding how to deal with something disturbing, traumatic, or new?
Believe it or not, they're OK with discussing tough subjects as long as they understand what you're talking about. In other words, your approach to discussing tough subjects with kids matters. Open conversations can help young minds navigate change, develop independent opinions, and cope with difficult situations as they grow up.
Below, we've rounded up five tips to communicate better with kids when a difficult topic is on the table.
1. Make Sure the Environment Is Ideal
From discussing death and funerals to learning about bullies and race relations, some topics may seem too difficult to touch upon with kids in a way that doesn't make them uncomfortable or upset.
Nevertheless, choosing an ideal environment for the talk goes a long way in helping children wrap their heads around a concept. So, make sure you create a safe, comfortable space that doesn't feel threatening and allows the child to be vulnerable. Make sure there are no distractions (no TV, phone, or other kids playing in the same room) to prevent the conversation from devolving into small talk.
It also helps if you sit down with them before bringing up sensitive topics. This allows them to ask questions about what they heard in class or at home and gives them time to think about how they feel about what might be coming up next.
Sometimes, having certain items (like their toys) around makes it easier for kids to understand a novel situation. Case in point, when explaining a custody case after the parents' divorce, you could use a doll to represent each party.
2. Don't Let Your Emotions Get in the Way
When you talk to kids about something they care about—a subject that could get them upset, angry, or frustrated—you might feel some of those emotions yourself.
However, you must have tough conversations without getting overwhelmed. If you get too upset, they might not understand what you're saying or how to respond.
This doesn't mean you should hide your emotions – you can acknowledge your sadness, fear, or anger while remaining composed. It's best to talk in a calm voice and then let them ask questions when they need clarification. That'll be a lesson for the child in itself, teaching them that even hard feelings can be expressed calmly.
And remember, you can always step away to take a break if you feel like you're about to have a negative emotional outburst.
3. Always Tell the Truth
When discussing tough subjects like divorce, death, or bullying with kids in daycare, you may be tempted to sugarcoat things or pull the wool over their eyes to "save" them or avoid scaring or making them cry. But please don't.
Always tell the kids the truth; they deserve to know about their world as it is. It might be hard for them to understand a few things at first, but eventually, they will. And even if they don't understand everything you say, they should still feel comfortable asking questions later. You could also use stories to make it easier for children to understand new concepts.
4. Give Reassurance with Words and Gestures
When discussing tough subjects with kids, you must realize that they might not understand what you're saying and will likely respond with angry behavior. They may even feel embarrassed or ashamed by what they hear.
Your body language should be friendly and open so the kids know they can trust what you say. Make eye contact and listen carefully without expecting an answer right away (and without interrupting). Use words that show empathy and care: "I know how hard this must be" or "I want to help."
Also, don't hesitate to give reassurance with gestures or touch, like holding hands or giving a reassuring hug (if they're comfortable). The child should know that you love them and will be there to keep them safe no matter what happens.
5. Keep Parents in the Loop
In most cases, it's best to let parents in on the matter, so they know about their children's feelings, fears, and concerns and are prepared to deal with them at home. Let them know if their kids are showing signs of trauma, aggression, or stress or are shutting everyone out – they might want to reach out to a mental health professional before things get out of hand.
Make sure you use the best strategies for communicating with parents to avoid misunderstandings or conflicts. As a bonus, this will help build trust between you and parents, reassuring them their children are in good hands.
Final Words
Instead of getting overwhelmed by the thought of discussing tough subjects with kids, see it as an opportunity to put things in perspective for them, answer any questions they may have, and search for answers together.
Children will come across difficult situations and topics sooner or later. You can't solve all problems for them, but you can help them feel less scared and more supported by having those conversations early on.
The tips above will help you engage in healthy and open conversations with kids at your daycare center. For more tips and tricks, check out our free resources and blog.
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